Great Expectations: How To Feed in the Mud

From Donna: Now that the rainy season is almost over (I think), there are some words of wisdom I have to share with you about feeding in the mud. First, however, we have to talk about the different types of mud.

There is, of course, the semi-wet, mostly dry stuff that may drop off on the floor, but is easily swept up. You can wear just about any shoe or boot and you can be assured that nothing dire will happen.

There is the mud that gooshes and requires a more substantail type of foot ware. It's kind of fun, because it is so squishy.

Then there is the serious stuff. It comes in two types. There is watery ooze that when you step in it it's OK if your boot is high enough. You can step sink, step sink. No problem unless you want to move quickly or hope to keep your pants dry.

The BAD stuff is gooey, sticky, deep, and devious. One step is OK and then whooosh you are sucked in to your kneecaps and there is no moving forward, unless, of course, you strain too hard and land on your face. Occassionally, the backside hits first, but usually it's a face splat.

Now, here is the advice.

Go out to feed in a good mood. Be ready to laugh at stuff, especially yourself.

Expect to have fun. Do not expect to stay clean.

Expect that every piece of clothing from pants and shirts to socks and underwear will be stained with mud.

Expect that your socks will come off inside your boots, just before you become bogged down and have to step out of your boot and into the mud to get it pulled free.

Expect that when you step off the tractor you will sink to your knees and at that moment the calves will come bouncing up to give you sandpaper kisses.

Expect that when you go to put your knife back in your pocket it will fly from your hand, land under the tractor, and sink into the mud. You think about leaving it but can't remember if it is closed, so you must goosh around, while standing on your head.

Expect that sometimes the tractor will quit and not restart when you are at the farthest point from any turn out and you will have to hand carry all 34 flakes up the muddy hill to the critters.

Expect to slip and slide and get fairly good at navigating slippery rocks. No one gets really good because when one gets too cocky the rock moves and the slipping and sliding becomes a wild arm waving balancing act- usually resulting in a person-mud interaction.

I have found it is best to remember to close your mouth as you head for the mud. I'm not sure of all the nutirents in the mud-manure mixture, but I can tell you it doesn't taste good.

Expect that when you go out after a cloudy day the heavens will open, soaking you to the bone. It will continue to pour until you pull in the drive after feeding everyone. The sun will then peek through.

Expect that the horses, donkeys and mules will expect you to be there rain or shine, mud or dry. Their expectations and trust make all the mud and goo worthwhile.